Today, I spent some time on the phone with an old friend Brenda. We have recently rekindled our friendship after some time going about our lives. We are both in a different place know, she has bought a home and is experiencing the pleasures and pitfalls of a 1920’s home, the poor insulation, the truncated electrical panel and all the limited space bathroom and kitchen counter space that comes with an old home.
Never fear Brenda, we have all made it through our first winters in older homes and happen to enjoy our lives in these wonderful homes especially because of all the character they offer. Mine is vintage 1927, well built, under-insulated especially in the floors. This makes for some drafts around the ankles in certain areas of the living room. I avoid seating guests in those cold spots, unless, I have a fire going. The fire place is a different issue all together, but that’s not today’s burning topic.
Brenda and I got onto the subject of a friends life. He and his partner have recently had a child (two months ago), and he has decided to take some time of to be with her and their new daughter. Originally, he wanted to keep working given the economic times, but after mom expressed a concern that she felt as though he was not involved and as excited about the new arrival as she expected, he decided to stop forking for the winter and take care of the emotion and caring needs of his family.
Brenda’s comment was that during her marriage, her ex-husband had always said that her gaining weight (becoming fat…this is subjective to me), was grounds for a divorce. She was 120 lbs and 5’7. She got pregnant and got to 170lbs at the time of delivery. She was at 150 after the birth and stayed there for several years. Eventually, they did divorce for this and other reasons. Her point was that after birth, some woman’s emotions can be all over the place and could result in different types of insecurities. She noted that she was happy to hear our friend had made that decision and accordingly, good for them.
My response was also supportive of his decision; any one that knows me knows that I am the “house husband” type anyway. I did have a general observation about relationships in these times that got us both laughing hard.
Here is the general thought:
My take is that Moms and Dads of today from all walks of life, whether hockey, Wal-Mart, NASCAR, Greener, or East Coast should all by know just stick with what they have got, take good care of each other and follow the example of our friend. If you really think about it, most people today have dated every variation of mom or dad (woman or man) within there preferred subgroup that they are going to find. Smoker moms looking for smoker dads who live a certain life, have pretty much covered the spectrum. I do not really think Smoker Mom is going to find a better brand of Smoker Dad than the one she has. It is also not like Wal-Mart Dad is going to go out and find a better brand of Wal-Mart Mom. Okay so maybe some Wal-Mart moms like to shop at the green Wal-Mart just outside of Sevierville, but for the most part, a Wal-Mart is a Wal-Mart is a Wal-Mart. I say, as the song says, ‘love the one you are with, get over the little things, realize that it’s a waste of time to continue to look around the corner for a better bargain with higher return should a recall be invoked.
Sustain your own efforts in your relationships and that of your partner. It is more important than ever that we turn inward and nurture what we have. Live within your means, love your NASCAR Dad with the tummy, his appeal comes full circle at the holidays, free Santa for the kids. Appreciate your Greener Mon with the Saddle bags, they are her chapters in the book of life.
I don’t suggest anyone put up with inappropriate behavior or abuse (had to include that in here…sorry for the commercial). What I am suggesting is that within the bandwidth of what we are attracted to and what is reasonable to you, cherish the one that loves you, find interesting ways to be compassionate, discover a talent you once explored and share it. If your partner comes up with something that seems intriguing, fight the urge to dismiss it in your old self-affirming way. Be vulnerable for a little while and see where it gets you. Be humble as you used to be with your dinner reservations when you were only 18 years young and made $3.35 an hour (adjust to be age appropriate), and take her out for coffee, tea or cocoa (guys). Be brave, do something self-deprecating and enjoy the laugh (this really gets a good laugh if you have a cape to go with the batman boxers).
Its time we looked at the divorce rate and realized that there is not going to be that much variation between the one you have now and the partner you hope to trade for. Divorce is overrated…take it from me, I have never been married, but everyone who has been married and divorced that I know look like hyenas on the delta before or after a scavenge…believe me, it is not a good look… (See picture above).
So I said a little more here than I shared with Brenda on the phone, yet the point is still there, what exactly are you thinking you will find that is better than the one who loves you today? Security, money (way overrated…see financial system), looks, what?
In addition to wishing for prosperity in the New Year, let us all also resolve to renew our sense of appreciation for the Mom or Dad we are fortunate enough to be partnered with today. They have some great qualities, and they give something back to us each day. Moms…you may have to work on some of us Dads a little harder, but believe me, we will get it, the times are with you. Dads, write her a letter this year, in your own handwriting and remind her of the quality she represents to your life. If you have kids, include the kids, you are a family after all. Enough out of me…I have to go curl up with Jill, and read her my poetry…with any luck she will feel like reading some of hers, if not I will just appreciate her, right where she sits…she deserves the very best and I am to be that best.
Happy Holidays…Moms and Dads…
Hyena Image is courtesy of: www.news.nationalgeographic.com/news/bigphotos/
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